Ah, where to begin..
I've been around, I've struggled, I've fought for what I thought was right — and lost. Not to say I'm now a cynical, hopeless grump; I'm a mother to a beautiful little angel who I am raising as well as I can. I've just.. been down and out, like everyone else in the real world. I'm not a rich housewife of Orange county. I'm a poor single mom of Southeast/Mid Michigan.
This isn't my blog of baked goods and overpriced arts and crafts. This is my blog of stuff. Writing stuff. The trials and tribulations of a ginger/mom/woman just trying to make life work.
My daughter is my everything. Her father just re-entered our life. He's interesting. We'll talk about him another time. ;)
Anyways, my daughter, right. She's gorgeous and intelligent and amazing. She's my life saver. Seriously.
I was headed down a very scary road of self destructive behavior, and my daughter's father (baby-daddy. Haha) was my drinking buddy. We had a lot of fun. I made a lot of bad memories that I don't actually remember, but I remember being told about my actions — awful.
Then in the midst of the worst time of the year in April, 2012 — right around the one year anniversary of my mom's passing and near the eight year anniversary of my older sister's passing, my period was late and alas, I found out I was pregnant!
It was terrifying! First of all, I was never supposed to be able to get pregnant. Second of all, I was a binge drinking mess of a twenty year old girl! Third, I was a BINGE DRINKER, every night of the week, way too much booze kinda girl!! Lastly, I was pregnant. What? pregnant. Wow.
So I thought about abortion. Yeah, thought about it. Was thoroughly gung-ho for it for a minute actually. Then I had a revelation. I realized that I wasn't drinking anymore. I was getting my life together. My body didn't feel like it was dying anymore. And while I missed my family and felt terribly alone, here was the answer to my loneliness and I was about to kill it? I was about to just continue my drunken destructive lifestyle and feel no better, ever? That wasn't right.
So clearly, I made the decision to keep my baby girl. And it was the best decision I ever made. My daughter saved my life, because if I hadn't had her, I probably would have drank myself to an early grave, or done some other stupid thing and died some other way.
Shaelyn will be two years old December 14th. She is my love, my life, and my purpose.
Wow that got intense.